Over the past five years, I’ve found myself taking a lot of pride in the fact that I tried to minimize the amount of influence that external factors had on me. I rarely watch movies or TV shows, denounced YouTube and ignored the majority of videos my friends sent me, uninstalled a bunch of apps on my phone, and deleted my Instagram accounts. I resisted TikTok and wore my ignorance of pop culture and current events like a badge of pride. In an era of algorithmic manipulation, AI Slop, and other forms of what I consider brainwashing-adjacent technologies, I turned to physical media and research papers to fuel my growing superiority complex. With time, the smugness turned into a personality trait and I lost the ability to appreciate most things. I was so focused on ensuring that Big Tech didn’t overly influence me that I slowly started to cut off my senses behind a mental firewall of analysis and critique. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The week before I gave birth to my second son, I watched The Devil Wears Prada 2. I have never considered myself interested in fashion, but the interplay of AI and positioning of the fashion industry as a last bastion of human defense against the machine piqued my interest. I went down the rabbit hole of learning about Anna Wintour, using my newborn nap-trap time to watch Project Runway, marvel at the work of Law Roach in his styling of Zendaya for her red carpet appearances, and binging a documentary series about the history of Vogue and its influence on fashion in the 90’s. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m now a month into my maternity leave. The time has been spent enjoying time with friends and family, watching my oldest learn how to be an older brother, and facing – for the second time in three years – the harsh reality of postpartum recovery in my mid-thirties. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’ve been fortunate to have two relatively straightforward births, but even a straightforward, minimal-complication birth comes with a torrent of rapid hormonal and physical changes. Newborns bring broken nights and the delirium of sleep deprivation. The first time around, I was sunk deeply into postpartum anxiety and it took me almost two years to figure out who exactly I was on the other side of motherhood. This time, I felt an urge to over-correct, and I tried to immediately – and aggressively – get ‘back to normal’. In response to the torrent of change and uncertainty and lack of control, I yearned to create a version of reality that erased all of the challenges of welcoming a new family member and created a neat, happy bubble instead. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Newborns are humbling. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you haven’t been pregnant in the era of social media, I’ll be candid – it sucks. Pregnancy subreddits are filled with anxiety-inducing stories about late stage pregnancy and newborn loss. Google searches surface endless debates about every possible decision you can make as a parent, and fuel sleep-deprived fears with suggestions of rare, deadly illnesses that might be causing episodes of heavy spit-up. Instagram paints a picture of perfectly made up moms managing night wake-ups while also keeping a perfect skin care and workout regime as the norm, making the moments when I’m overwhelmed and crying in the bathroom corner, touched out, feel even more guilt-inducing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I ended up subscribing to Vogue and downloaded the app. It’s a bright, colorful, optimistic – and human<\/em> portal to creativity and inspiration. Sitting in my nail salon today, I realized: in my attempt to remove algorithmic influence, I had lost the ability to be inspired. <\/p>\n\n\n\n One component central to the AI debate is about the impact that it has on artistry and human expression. Creatives and artists have had their work stolen en masse by technologists to fuel generative AI systems, which translate text and intent into rich remixes that feel original and fresh to the person using the medium. More ethical AI systems that trace their origins and compensate their data providers are few and far between, though auditable, local AI systems are becoming more popular and viable as the technology matures. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I’ve found that working on AI has presented existential challenges to my own relationship to technology as a facilitator to expression. Back in 2021, I used an early version of Dall-E to create mind-melting imagery while trying to navigate mental health crises as a cry for help. Photoshop had been a form of collage throughout my teens; digital photography allows me to document my life as I feel it happens, colors and vibrancy impacted by mood and emotion of the moment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I’ve also always been drawn to the relationship between the self and world around us. We are individuals, but we are also part of a collective species. We influence, and are influenced, and the cause vs. effect is not always evident. We are constantly reinventing ourselves, redefining ourselves, and unlearning things that we may want to shed as we grow more in tune with our own bodies and being. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The lack of true algorithmic sense-making threatens our relationship to true human experiences. Over-utilization of these tools, and staunch attempts to avoid undue influence, both present the risk that we intellectualize too much and shut ourselves off from the imperfections and messiness that form the foundations of creativity and culture. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Fashion as a preserving nature of culture and humanity speaks to our innate desire to understand our role and place in the world, then signal that to others. At 35 years old, a two-time parent, and with more time on my hands than I’m used to, I’m finding myself back on the journey of figuring out what else from my past I’m ready to shed and who I want to be in the future as I start finding my way back into my body and the world around me. This time, I’m ready to accept the influence. The key difference is being able to choose whose influence that may be – and despite the journey my career has taken me on thus far, I’m very quickly realizing that I’d rather live in the world as envisioned by the Anna Wintours than the Elon Musks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I’ve also always been drawn to the relationship between the self and world around us. We influence, and are influenced. It is critical that we are able to choose whose influence we allow in. Recently, I’ve very quickly realized that I’d rather live in the world envisioned by the Anna Wintours than the Elon Musks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"activitypub_content_warning":"","activitypub_content_visibility":"","activitypub_max_image_attachments":0,"activitypub_interaction_policy_quote":"","activitypub_status":"federated","footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random-thoughts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/liverickson.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/liverickson.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/liverickson.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liverickson.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liverickson.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=590"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/liverickson.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":598,"href":"https:\/\/liverickson.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590\/revisions\/598"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/liverickson.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=590"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liverickson.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=590"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liverickson.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=590"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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